Don't get me wrong, I'm a firm believer of the "if it's not broke, don't fix it" idealism, but shit people, how many times can you slap a different skin on a dated engine?
I do expect that there will a mind-fuck of a HUGE open world but graphics don't sell games. The sheep of the gaming industry will eat this shit up on the sheer fact of gorgeous landscape, but that the last game that Rock Star gave us was ping pong.
Oh, but there are new actions, weapons, and vehicles that we've all been waiting for? Well, hell yeah, there isn't any other time frame that these guys have to tackle.
They hit the vague late 90s with the GTA 3, which was gaming GOLD. We got to do ANYTHING but swim and fly in this game. I could have died after this game.
In the next installment, now the 80s, we got Ray Liotta , the pre-coked out Tom Sizemore, Jenna Jameson, Dustin Hoffman, and "I love to play that forgettable character" Luis Guzman. That man was in Boogie Nights and I love him for it, but I digress...
This game also let you fly a plane, drive a motor cycle, and I'll be shit-stupid if I didn't get a boner when I stole a car and there was Reigning Blood blasting on the radio. Also, who can forget the failed attempt to bring back Laslo, the overly duchie radio personality?
Now THAT was a good game.
Next in line was the 90s and who better to fill the shoes of the protagonist than a black guy?
*gasp*
This shit doesn't get any more raw than a car load of gang members rolling buy and flattening a target with an honest-to-god drive buy. I mean, the guy who looked like Easy-E was sitting on the passenger window shooting over the car. Shit doesn't get more real than that.
I will have to admit that this was the GREATEST GTA of them all. Jet packs, your own air strip, and he could swim. I know that you could swim in the previous game, but TJ made it look all the more believable. If you wanted to you, could gorge yourself on chicken and balloon up into a fat ass hole or take it the other way and hit the gym every day.
And then there was Sam Jackson that was the dick-glutton cop that popped up from time-to-time to tell you how much he hated the back of Forest Whitaker's neck because it was black.
I have loved all of these games and have devoted a major portion of my life to them, but you're running out of minorities and if this Russian doesn't deliver...
I swear to L. Ron Hubbard that if this game still has you jump like a rejected member from River Dance and has you slap dance with people in hand-to-hand combat then I will personally shit on my copy and mail it back to Rock Star.
The ball is in your court, Rock Star, and mark my word, if all you've added is 20" Dubs, then I'll be pounding down your door with a Russian AK-47 showing all that you've left out.
Prove me wrong. Please.
2 comments:
Much better place for this nonsense.
So many new features, I couldn't name them all.
Drunk driving? Check... although that's something you do every weekend.
Co-op and versus multiplayer? Check, and I might add NEVER an option before.
Cover system and blind fire? Check. Needed in any next gen games. Fuck you if you say COD.
Strip Clubs... need I say more?
New Euphoria game engine, all NEW graphics.
That's just a couple. I'm not saying that it's the best game ever, but I'm saying that if you call it the same old game with a new skin, you didn't do you homework. Plus, any videos you have seen on the internet were probably not video capture, and were probably on SD.
On the other side of all that, it's a GTA game... what do you fucking expect? If you couldn't run around killing random people and stealing vehicles, it wouldn't be GTA. You would be playing Viva Pinata, and you might just consider that instead of picking this game up.
OMG...NEW EUPHORIA GAME ENGINE!!!1
GASP
Also dude, everyone knows black people can't swim. That was probably the most unrealistic thing about GTA:SA. Jetpacks I can believe, but an African-American treading water? Nigga you crazy.
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