Where better to kick off this poor excuse for a blog than with the current state of affairs with religion and it's love for toast. Now, I haven't been inside of a church in about three or four years, but I don't remember there ever being any mention of Jesus' love for toast. I'll give you the *in your best hillbilly voice* "...but Jesus broke bread at the last supper..." argument, but that was just plain, un-toasted bread! Are all of these Jesus sightings that are popping up on cooked bread a result of Jesus', and his mother's, jealousy of not having the means to toast bread? If you look at the pictures above (Jesus to the left and Mary to the right) you can almost make out Jesus screaming, "I WANT TOAST!" Mary, on the other hand, looks like she could get down on a loaf of toast, in the biblical sense.
Another theory of mine is Jesus being pissed at the misuse of crackers in the many communion services across the globe. He was looking down on Earth one day and he happened to notice, between his loving the little children of the world, that there was some lazy priest whipping crackers at the fellowship of his church. Once again, look at the picture, "I WANT TOAST!" Now if I'm right, everyone is fucked because rather than taking Jesus in your mouth, in the biblical sense, everyone's just been getting a stale saltine with some wine to choke it down.
All that aside, should you be making yourself some delicious toast and you come to find that Jesus pops up, do you eat the toast? And if so, do you butter it? Would Jesus eat a buttered, melty good, delicious slice of his self portrait? I think that he would.
3 comments:
Well, that was "interesting", good job though. I'm giving you the thumbs up from my desk.
For the last part of your blog, the question of whether you should eat the Jesus toast, my answer is yes. I'm a Catholic as you may know, and I'm used to eating the body of Jesus and drinking his blood. Oh, and you HAVE to butter Jesus, it really adds some flavor.
1 post? 3 months ago? The graphic is priceless though my friend. I laughed long and hard and even high fived myself. Kudos.
Also, I would NOT eat the Jesus toast. One fucking word. Ebay.
Haha! I love it! Did you see that L.A. Ink or Miami Ink or what-the-fuck-ever cheesy tattoo show where some lady actually had the "Mother Mary grilled cheese" tattoed on her breasticle?! Seriously.. To get a grilled cheese sandwich tattoed on you is AWESOME. But to get a sandwich with a grilling of the likeness of Mother Mary? FUCKING PRICELESS. I love you Dirk. Please come back to Florida.
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